Drunken Mistake
by Blackness
Summary: Linden makes a drunken mistake. Maddy/Linden
1. Chapter 1

Dr. Cullen had,had a bad day.3 deaths, 2 Resuses that were successful and 1 Patient throwing up over his clothes. He asked Maddy if she wanted to go out for drinks tonight, but she had turned him down saying she had some unfinished business to attend to, Maybe another night. He was annoyed with himself and hell he had the worst day imaginable, well almost. He went to a bar 10 minutes walk from the hospital to drown his sorrows, he'd been doing that a lot recently. He sat in the bar, ordered 3 Shots, drank 2 beers and had a glass of wine with his meal, needless to say he wasn't very sober or very well. He then made a further mistake and was unconsciously checking out this woman, when a man came up to him

"You looking at my bird punk?" He asked menacingly

"I don't see any birds. It nighty night time." Linden said drunkenly and stupidly. Inwardly he was cursing himself for getting involved with this but his mouth was faster than his mind.

"You saying shes ugly" He asked flexing his fists

"No, I mean, some birds are pretty, some arn't" He answered  
The man took this as an insult, he pushed Linden who fell into a puddle, one of those horrible puddles that you get soaked if you fall in. They'd had a lot of rain recently.

The guy intoxicated left with his girl. Linden pulled himself to his feet. He needed to get home before anything else happened. One good thing had happened, the water had sobered him up a little and given him a shock. He hailed a cab and gave an address. The driver pulled up by Holby cemetery, he paid the driver and got out, managing not to thrown up in the taxi, as he got out the taxi drove off. He realised his mistake, he was by the cemetery, he must have been thinking of Olivia when he gave the address, now he was further from home than before, cursing himself for his stupidity. He didn't make it far before he threw up again, great now he would smell of vomit for the rest of the night. He turned his head and heard shouting

"How could you? You mess up my life, then come back and want me back!" A woman's angry voice could be heard through the night.

"I'm sorry, It was stupid, I guess..." The make voice sounding quiet, almost pleading her  
"I turned down a great offer to hear what you had to say" she was just as angry

"Well it couldn't be too good, shacked up with the new lead consultant then? Now you've heard it, so I'm taking it that that's a no?" He asked

"Correct." She lowered her voice

"Fine, lets say this is the last time we see each other again" He said in an angry voice

"Works for me. God Dan you screw me up every time, just keep away" Her voice had reached its peak, it now broke.

"If that's what you want Mad..." He said with resignation

"It is, now go" Dan turned tail and left. Maddy stayed standing till he was gone in his sports car before collapsing on the stairs in tears. He always did this, he always hurt her.


	2. Chapter 2

Cullen meanwhile had seen all these events unfold, even in his drunken state he could tell the girl sitting on the steps was upset. Their was something familiar about her. He noticed her look his way, before turning her head away. She then seemed to struggle to get up, then when she did, she was about to close the door, when curiosity got the better of her. She started walking towards him, holding up her arms to show she meant no harm. He was covered in mud and grime, and looked very cold, not one of Holby's better months for weather Maddy thought dryly.

"Hey, shouldn't you be at home?" She asked gently

"My wife's dead, It's not home" He said before thinking

"I'm sorry..." She replied then startled. She leant towards him, something in her manner made him stay still, She wiped away the dirt from his face to be met with brown eyes that would normally have glasses over them.

"Dr. Cullen??" She almost whispered, shocked and a little worried.

"Linden is my name" He said, again before his brain engaged

"OK Linden, do you know who I am?" She needed to see how drunk he was and if he had any other problems

"Some fit doctor I work with" Again he replied without thinking, cursing himself inwardly, he would drink this much again. Maddy however smiled

"Your obviously very drunk to pay me such a lovely compliment, come on, lets get you inside and dry" She said with a smile.

She lent down beside him helping him up. Unselfconsciously he allowed her to help him. She then guided him towards her house. She helped him upstairs. As she got there she led him to the bathroom. He let her sit him down, she took a cold damp cloth and wiped the mud from his face. She gave him some water and he started to sober up a little, the alcohol no longer made him feel good or numb, in fact it made him feel really depressed. She then led him over to the sofa were she sat down with him handing him a glass of water. His hand started shaking, Maddy noticed, put it down to cold and took the glass off him and set it on the table. He sat on the sofa and started crying. This startled Maddy, who never had much success helping people when they cried, this made her feel very uncomfortable but yet she still had this motherly urge to comfort him.

"I killed my wife, I killed her and my child. I killed them" This startled Maddy 'and I thought was having a bad day' she thought. She was surprised, he'd never really spoken to her about his family, and when it came up she got to tongue tied to say the right thing.

"Don't talk like that." She said coaxingly "It wasn't your fault"

"I wasn't driving, I killed them" He continued, like he didn't hear her.

Maddy sat beside him, she pulled him into her, trying to ignore the smell of vomit on his breath and his clothes, like bringing work home with you she thought dimly remembering how she had, had to wash her clothes after someone threw up on her.

"Hush now, rest, Maddy's got you. She's not going to let you go" She said quietly, unsure if she should say or do anything further, though this simple gesture seemed to calm him a little. He was drowsy, she led him over to her bed and started undressing him. He started giggling like a girl. Maddy smiled in spite of herself. She pulled an old concert t-shirt and a pair of shorts she was about to send to the charity shop that had been left by Dan. She helped him dress before helping him into bed, tucking him in and putting the bin by the bed in case he was sick.

She then turned off the flat lights and got into bed next to him, she lay beside him, gently stroking his hair, she spoke softly to him

"Feeling better?" She asked quietly

"Yes, Maddy why did you turn me down? Don't you like me?" He sounded hurt, like a child, Maddy felt guilty, he had reached out an olive branch to her, she had refused it.

"I'm sorry. I turned you down for a jackass, a top consultant who got me a job at that hospital, just decided to break my heart further and mess me up more. Tonight I was meant to start afresh, finish it all but well his not so easy to get over. He never was easy to finish with."

She had tears gently rolling down her cheeks, then she heard a gently snore. Smiling in spite of herself she gently got up and out his clothes on a quick wash. She used lots of powder. He hadn't been sick on his clothes but they had smelt nasty. While they washed she lay beside him, watching his sleeping form, in his deep alcohol induced sleep. She saw how his face was tense even in sleep, his mouth like he was concentrating on something. She heard the machine say it had finished the washing, she straightened it and hung it in a cloak room with a radiator. She then went to bed, just as she was about to sleep a black furry thing landed on her

"Livy. You've been fed, now go" She glared at the cat

But Livy snuggled between her and Linden. She smiled

"Fine, stay, but don't dig you claws in, got it?" She said to Livy as she curled up to sleep.

Maddy was about to turn over when Linden started to toss and turn, Livy looked at him, then at Maddy almost saying 'Well what you going to do'. She got up and went round his side of the be, she sat next to him and tried to sooth him

"It's alright, shhh,Stop" She said soothingly. He then screamed. Poor Livy was gone, she flew out the door like lightning

"Olivia NOOOOOOO!" Startling the hell out of Maddy, he started up suddenly, Maddy had her arms open and he met a warm body, he didn't care whose. He clung to her crying not wanting to let go. Maddy did what she could, she made soothing circles on his back and spoke softly to him

"It's alright, It's alright. I'm here" she tried to sooth him. She had to admit she was a little scarred by this Linden, who seemed so out of control and so upset from the uptight guy she had to deal with.  
"Don't go" He pleaded hanging on tighter to her

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying" she continued to hug him till his sobbing had subsided. She then lowered him gently on the bed, slowly letting go of him. She tucked him in.

"I'm so scarred, I don't want to lose you Olivia, please don't go" He said to her, his eyes glazed over, not knowing who he was speaking to. Maddy didn't know what to say to this, should she lie? Should she tell the truth? In the end she compromised

"I will always be with you, I will never leave you, As long as you love me, you'll keep me alive" She said softly. She was inches away from his, he lifted his head and gently kissed her, before pulling her down on the bed, deepening the kiss. Maddy reciprocated after the surprise and felt she could get lost but drew away from him before things got too far.

"Sleep my angel" She kissed his forehead tenderly, unsure as to what had come over her. He smiled before falling to sleep. She noticed his sleep seemed more restful now.

She lay on the other side of the bed, she gently put a hand to her lips he had kissed minutes ago. She knew he thought she was Olivia, but still, She had all these mixed feelings swirling round her head. She was confused, cursing Linden for doing this she rolled over, checked her alarm and fell into a fitful sleep dreaming of the dark hair doctor and his soft, lushes lips.


	3. Chapter 3

Linden slowly opened his eyes, he was laying on his back, he felt a warm body laying on his chest, in his drunken haze he shut his eyes again. Just as he did he felt something sharp go into his chest, he opened his eyes to be greeted by a pair of yellow black eys just starring right into his eyes.

"AHHH" He yelled, scarring the cat who jumped off of the bed. He looked around, this wans't his room, looked down to find himself in some rock band t-shirt that was not his and a way too soft bed for his taste. He could also smell food from the Kitchen. Startled and disorientated he got up, crept along the hallway and peered round the door. He saw Dr. Young at the stove cooking. She turned around and smiled,

"I heard you scream. Sorry"

"What am I doing here? You own a cat?"  
"She's my neighbours, I'm just looking after her, Livy come here, food" The cat cautiously crept into the kitchen, keeping a wide birth from Linden then started on his food. Maddy piled sausages, bacon, eggs, fried bread and mushrooms on a plate for him.

"Coffee?"

"OK Dr. Young what am I doing here?" He replied

She set them down on the table, then sat on the seat opposite with a bacon sandwich. He realised she had done the breakfast for him, as she was having something light. He also noticed two tablets and a glass of water

"You were a little drunk last night, I found you outside, took pity on you and hey presto here you are. Asprin, I think you need them" She said quietly. She couldn't understand why she decided to be so nice to him, after he had messed her around but the motherly figure took over/

Linden then noticed that she was keeping her distance. He ate and looked at the clock, it was 9.40, he was due to start in 25 minutes, he had no clothes and wouldn't have time to go home. As if reading his mind, Maddy put a pile of clothes on the table, he recognised them as his except the tie

"They won't pay too much attesntion to the shirt, but never wear the same tie, they'll know you haven't been home. Nurses are very smart you know contray to popular belief" She said with a smile. He nodded a thanks. He finished eating and went and showered and changed finding clean towels on the bed. As he got himself set, he didn't think much about the little of last night he could remember or this morning. He appeared 10 minutes later and Maddy had the keys, kicked the cat out and was waiting for him

"Come on. Lets go"

He hurried out the door, as she locked and bolted it. She then made her way to the car. He noticed for the first time her house was by Holby Cementry. They got into her ford fiesta and she pulled away. They arrived at the hospital with 5 minutes to spare. When they got to the ward they went there own separate ways.

Linden noticed that Maddy was avoiding him today. She only talked to him if it was about a patient. While any other day she would go out of her way to help him, today at the hospital, she didn't seem to care. Mark noticed her distance to and commented on it

"You OK Maddy? You seem a little lost and even avoiding your boss" Wondering if she was still sore from the fact that he seemed ungrateful last time she helped him.

"Sorry" She sighed, she knew what she said to Mark would go no further and he was always so caring, almost like a father figure

"Don't apologise, I'm just worried" Mark looked directly at her, causing her eyes to drop, she took a deep breath

"Remember Dan?" She asked  
"The lead consultant, yes" Mark was puzzled but still listened intently

"He came round last night, we had a fight. I thought I was over him, but when he left, I cried" She kept it short and sweet

"OK" Mark said slowly

"Should I cry for someone I don't care about any more Mark?" She asked quietly

"Yes. I think its a last minute tear shed, before you find your better off without him. You carry you emotions around with you, your past is your past, it doesn't define you future, you just got to let it go"

"I'm trying. You shoud say that to Dr. Cullen

"That still doesn't explain why you are avoiding Cullem" he asked

"OK Mr. Steeple needs to be checked on, record his details etc." She quickly changed the subject  
"Maddy?" Mark tried to press for a little more information

"He reminds me of it, he has a shadow of guilt over his past and can't let go, he makes me want to hold on and I want to let go. Mr Steeple Mark, please"

Mark sighed and went off to see Mr. Steeple.

Sam had noticed too, he went up to Cullen later

"Hey. Maddy's cold today, avoiding you, know whats wrong?" He asked acting the concerned friend

"Ask her. I don't know and right now I have work to do" but it troubled him more than he admitted. He caught her and asked for a word in his office. He shut the door.

"Look Dr. Young is everything OK?" He asked professonally

"Of course" She answered, though he eyes didn't meet his  
"Thank you for last night, and breakfast and all the things you did" he said after a pause "I think its the shock of seeing someone so in control be reduced to someone with so little control, I think I scarred you and for that I am sorry"

She now lifted her eyes to meet his, a look of confusion, then anger

"You think it's all about you. You walk around followed by a dark cloud, the only time I think you are true to yourself is when your drunk. It builds a barrier no one can break. I've tried" Her rant over, she bit her lip, looked down at the floor took a deep breath and met his eyes

"Dr. Young was there any need for that outburst"  
"I don't have to be drunk to express myself, and I won't hold it in any longer. Now if you'll excuse me I must be going" She headed for the door only to have a hand at the top f the door stopping her

"Dr. Young?"

Her voice broke

"Please just let me go. I've had enough of you men screwing with my head" He was shocked and still hadn't budged, taking matters into her own hands, she gently pushed him away from the door and took her leave.

She walked quickly to the girls toilets and let herself in. She shut one of the stalls and just cried. She was tired of men getting in her head, confusing her. She heard someone come in, the sound of a crutch.

"Hey...whose in here" She asked

Maddy recognised that voice, taking a deep breath she opened the door. Jaq looked directly at her

"Dr. Young? What happened? Can I help?" She asked, her new change in character becoming very clear. She wasn't ready for touchy feely but she was willing to show she cared a little for the young SHO.

"Nothing...well I saw Dan last night?"  
"That consultant who played golf with you"

"Yes, he messed up my head and now another guy has. Tell me Jaq, Sam and I had a one night stand,. I'm over him, I never really liked him that way, why can't I get over Dan?"

"Your asking the wrong woman, I have little success with men, as I am sure you can see. You and Sam were a drunken mistake, you felt nothing for him, but your feels went deep for Dan and this other guy whose now messed with your mind."

She looked at her

"What can I do?" She said brokenly

"You can finish your shift, go home, have a bath, put on some angry girl music, drink a bottle of wine and eat lots of chocolate and play with voodoo dolls stabbing pins into the guys that broke you heart" She finished making Maddy smile

"Thanks, I think I will. How are you anyway after your accident" She asked cautiously  
"I'm better, it was defenatly a wake up call, anyway I have to be going, see you later Dr. Young" She left the bathroom not wanting to divulge her feels to the young SHO yet or to anyone.. Maddy dried her tears, washed her face and went to face the next 3 hours and 37 minutes of her shift with him.


	4. Chapter 4

"Home time at last. A bath, wine and rubbish TV, a great night in, I'll see you all later"

"Bye Maddy" Mark said as she she left

She was getting in the lift when Linden ran in, fighting the childish urge to press the door close button, she held it open. Great another minute trapped in a confined space with him.

"Thanks so got any plans tonight?"  
"Yes thanks, you?"  
"Just visiting Olivia, collect my car first thank god we don't get charged parking"

"Mmm" She said willing the lift to go faster

"I was wondering, I mean earlier, I'm sorry, I don't what got into you but..."  
"You amaze me you really do! You are so smart and yet when it comes to humans especially the opposite sex you are soooo infuriation. Maybe I'm sick of having men rule my life, and then ruin it." The doors opend and she stormed out. Checking for traffic she crossed the Zebra crossing, Linden mean time was running after her, he stopped to check to to before dashing over to her,

"Look Maddy, what did I do wrong. Tell me...please"

She ignored him, got in the car and drove off leaving Linden with a sad look on his face before retreating to his car.

On the way home maddy was cursing herself for losing her cool. He had run after her, he seemed genuinely worried. She focused her attention on the road, and got home in one piece. Maddy...He'd called her Maddy, not Dr Young. Oh now this really got to her, so he used her first name, big deal, it didn't mean he liked her, I mean Mark used it all the time and he certainly didn't like her in that way. She locked her car, went into her house, shut the door, crawled upstairs and ran a bath, as it was running she went to the kitchen to get a glass of wine. She immersed herself in the bath, out her IPod on speakers and lost herself in the comforting warm bubbles, her body relaxed, maybe her mind would follow.

Linden meanwhile had stopped at a shop to pick up some flowers, white roses. He arrived at the cemetery and walked in. He went to find Olivia's grave, hoping it hadn't been vandalised. As he cleared away the dead flowers he noticed a yellow rose, sitting there. Fresh, like it had been laid there only yesterday. No note was attached. He thought it was a kind gift,and kept it aside to put with his flowers. As he lay his flowers a gentle breeze blew through his hair, snatching a piece of paper from his hand, blowing it away. Cursing as it was a prayer he was about to read it. He ran after it, the paper swirled in the wind and came to land on a grave, Linden approached with caution and as he bent down to pick up the paper glanced up to the grave stone

"**Here lies Mrs Jennifer Young, Devoted mother to Maddy and Hannah and Wife to David, May she rest with the Angels and rise with the sun" **

Young? Maddy? Dr. Young? It all fit together, he then noticed the grave was big, built for a family many years ago. A smaller grave stone read

"**Sunny Young, Beloved daughter to Hannah Young and niece to Maddy Young. May she join her grandmother to live with the angels'' .**

He noticed yellow roses by both the grave stones left recently.

He didn't know about signs and things, but the wind had blown it to this grave stone, of someone who had helped in a difficult situation and would always help him in a difficult situation. Was Olivia telling him it was OK to care for someone else? Was it OK for him to care again for someone other than his patients?. He sat by the grave and glanced up to the little flats by the grave and saw Maddy's window, a green wind chime hung from it he noticed that morning. He had too see her, to see if she was OK. Somehow he had this feeling that he had hurt her, and last night, wait wasn't she crying? He tried to remember through the haze of a memories that slowly started to resurface. Raised voice, an argument? Her crying on the step? A man and Woman? Stairs, he remembered stairs. He couldn't remember anything else. He went back to his wife's grave and read the prayer, offered her thanks and set off on the difficult and challenging task of helping Dr. Young or at least try not to upset her further.


	5. Chapter 5

**Maddy was laying in the bath. She was cool, relaxed and just a little bit hungry. Trying to recall what she had eaten, she was shocked to remember she had a bacon sandwich for breakfast with coffee and a small salad for lunch. No wonder she was hungry. Take out sounded good, but which Chinese? Pizza? Curry? She'd think about it. The doorbell went, cursing wishing she had her music louder, she tired to ignore it, it went again, she quickly got up, wrapped a towel round herself and dashed to the top of the stairs. Oh that wasn't good, she grabbed the banister before being assaulted by a dizzy spell, she got up too quickly. She tripped down the stairs and landed at the bottom of 3 steps. She made a noise though falling into the table by the door knocking the phone to the door and cursing loudly.  
"Dr. Young are you OK"**

**'Oh No' She thought "Just a second" She said, She pulled herself to her feet, cursing the bruise that started to form on the top of her chest and her arm. She unchained the door to find a very anxious Linden, who seeing her in nothing but a towel made hIM quite speechless, He needed to break the tension, he then noticed a bleed on her hand holding up the towel, drops of blood dripped down her hand, she just noticed them**

"**Your bleeding,"  
"Yea" without even thinking he took her other hand and placed it over the cut. He then gently kept the hand over it, and guided her upstairs. He sat her down on the sofa and went to her kitchen to get the first aid kit he saw earlier. He got a wipe and plaster out, and cleaned the cut and put a plaster on it. **

"**Nice job, could have done it myself"**

"**Are you hurt and place else" He pointed to the bruise gently touching it before realising were it was, blushing softly**

"**No. Thanks, Um...I'm going to put some clothes on" she said with a chuckle before disappearing to her room. She came out dressed in a green vest top and brown pyjama bottoms. She came into the lounge to find Livy and Linden starring at each other, each determined not to blink. **

"**She's an expert, you'll never win" She said with good humour**

"**I can try, So are you hungry?" He asked nervously  
"Kinda the reason I fell and have the lovely bruise on my chest and arms" she said impishly**

"**OK I fancy Chinese my treat as a thank you" **

"**Sounds...nice, um...Sweet and Sour Chicken with rice and prawn crackers"**

"**My choice exactly, maybe some beef and mushroom too?" He suggested  
"Yeah"**

**He picked up the phone, dialled the number and placed the order after confirming Maddy's address. They waited, another awkward silence.**

"**So um you seemed sad last night. I was drunk but you were crying, can I help in any way?"  
"What else do you remember?"**

"**That's it. Look.um...Dr. Young.." He stuttered worrying he'd upset her again**

"**Call me Maddy we are outside work." she said equally as quiet  
"Do you fancy talking to me?" He asked hopefully  
"You have enough baggage, you don't need mine to ad to it" She said before lapsing into silence**

"**He wanted to reply but didn't know what to say. **

"**Look I think I must have scarred you last night, Some how, I just want to know how?"  
"Like you said maybe it was because I am so used to you being in control. I was angry earlier with everything" She said, she wasn't sure she wanted to discuss personal matters with her boss**

"**I was um visiting Olivia earlier becoming to see you. I'm sorry by the way" he added**

"**About?" she queried, wondering what else he had to be sorry about  
"Your mother and niece. I found their graves Jennifer your mum?"**

"**Oh..Thanks"  
"It said she died 12 years ago, that would have made you..."**

"**16."**

"**That must have been hard, how did she die can I ask?"  
"She was attacked coming home late one night by a drunken man, he forced himself on her and she...um... fought back, she came off worse. The guy that did it, it was her boyfriend, well her ex boyfriend who she had just left to go back to my father, they'd...um... had a divorce about 2 years earlier and she fell in love with him again." She concluded**

"**I'm sorry Maddy, a 16 year old with no mother. Must have been tough on you growing up"**

"**It was but hey I got through it"**

"**Did you father take care of you?" Linden suddenly felt for some reason he wanted to know about the doctors shadowy past, that he had heard about from others.  
"No..My family had the money...my dad's money"  
"Your dad must have had a good job, that type of gravestone wasn't cheap or the land"**

"**he did, he was a fraudulent business man taking money from people and part time alcoholic. An unfit father, I and my sister Hannah were put into care, well supported accommodation"**

"**Oh...I've dug another hole,maybe I shouldn't talk. You seem to have done well, I mean your bright and have a good future ahead of you"**

"**I can adapt to change...most of the time, I buried myself in work and just kept pushing myself to do better. I was a terrible sister though, Hannah had the looks and I had the brains. I abandoned her, she fell into the wrong crowd, well we both did really but I was able to live a double life, party girl at night and good study girl by day. I was able to get out, was accepted to college, university and to train to be a doctor." she finished surprised hse had just told him all this.**

"**Your good you know, I mean after all you have been through, you are now a doctor" he said**

"**Yes...Well that was strange, I've never spoken that openly to anybody before, must be the wine, I think I had a glass or was it 2?"**

"**Oh dear" He said with a smile**

**Just then the door bell went and Linden went to answer it. Maddy grabbed some glasses and drinks, knives, forks and plates and set them on the table, the smell of food was amazing, she was so hungry. They divided it up and started eating, Linden was on his second glass of wine, Maddy however had stopped, she didn't trust herself not with him here. **

"**I went to see Olivia today, you know the strangest things happened, did you leave a yellow rose on her grave?" He asked curiously  
"I did" She looked down at her hands then glanced up at him  
"Thanks, why?" He was genuinely curious  
"I don't really know, I guess I knew she was someone special to you, so I wanted her to have something. I don't know, I was a little mad at the time."  
"She led me to your mum you know, she pulled the paper out of my hand and it landed by your families grave almost like she wanted me to know who gave it to her."**

"**Mmm...I hate what some of the kids do out there, Graffiti you know, all over people's stones, my friend and I go cleaning when it happens, we clean them, my friend is very strange, he works in the grave yard and his theory is if you respect the dead, they will respect you and not haunt you, his a little mad, but really sweet. I help him sometimes, its hard but when I look at the stone afterwards it all seems worth it."**

"**Wait! Did you...Was it you...who cleaned the grafittee off my wife's stone, you know with the Liam Harris thing. After you found the locket? Even when I kicked you out of surgery?"  
"Guilty, I did some digging got some information off of Joseph and asked my friend to help me clean it, we did it just in time. We finished as you got there, and hid behind the tree, that's why those kids were laughing, we looked like a pair of lovers caught at it, pressed against the tree"**

"**Thank you. I don't understand though, Maddy why do you do this?"**

"**What do you mean?" She asked  
"Do all this to help me, I've never done this much to help you, why do you help me?"**

"**Because...I don't like people thinking your a robot, with the Tan's you showed that you are devoted to your patients even when they aren't yours. You have more faith than anyone has in me, it means a lot to me"  
"Is that all, because I'm a good doctor" He couldn't keep the disappointment out of his voice**

**Maddy hated lying but in this case she would have to or she would end up hurt again**

"**Yes and your a friend, even if you don't know it"**

**He smiled a little at this, unsure if this is what he wanted to hear**

"**Are you working tommorow?"  
"No I am off, I think I'll sleep the day away"**

"**I'd really like to do soemthing else to thank you for everything you have done to me, I guess I thought my gaurdian angel was watching over me, but it was you"**

"**Sorry to disappoint"**

**Linden let his mind wonder**

"**Maddy why have you been so cold today towards me? Others have noticed it to"**

"**Dan, last night really upset me, I'd rather have gone for drinks with you than him, but I needed to finish things. He said that as usual I would be shacked up with the lead consultant. He just hurt me, Linden, tell me about Olivia and Holly"  
"How did you know about Holly?"  
"The name inscribed in the locket you lost to that thief. It fell on the floor, I picked it up and read the name."**

**He went silent. Maddy watched trying to see what he would say**

"**I was in love, she was amazing, when we had Holy it was a dream come true, I had the perfect family. 10 years ago on a Winters evening 12****th**** January 1998 to be precise we had just been out celebrating Olivia's birthday. I had a few to drink, she hadn't so she drove. This lorry came out of nowhere, ran a red light and crashed into the car. She was killed on impact, I didn't even get to say goodbye. After that everything was a haze, I was in noway able to bring up a child alone, with my work pattern so I asked Olivia's parents to have her. She's still there. She's 11 soon"**

"**How can you blame yourself? It sounds like you did nothing wrong"**

"**How did you...never mind. I wasn't driving, I'd never drunk before and the one night I did, all this happened. If I'd been driving maybe I could have swerved faster, she was many things but not a great driver, she passed her test only 2 months earlier, I could have avoided it. Also it should have been me."**

"**Why?" This broke her heart, a world without him. It couldn't be.  
"She would have done it all right, she'd have kept her daughter and not let her down. I let her down and in turn because of my stupidity killed my wife. I couldn't save her" He had tears down his face now. **

**Maddy looked at him, he met her eyes, he saw no pity in them, just sadness. Next thing he knew, he was in a tight embrace with a hand gently rubbing his back making soothing notices. It had bee so long since he'd been hugged, he'd forgotten how good it felt. He returned the hug tightly not wanting to let go. They sat there like that. He had unloaded everything, he didn't feel great, he felt weak but the dark cloud was now grey rather than black. They let go, Maddy had a tear in her eye. He lent forward his lips meeting her, she pulled away quickly. He looked hurt**

"**Not this again, I'm sorry, I can't do this"**

"**Why? I thought we had something"**

"**Your vulnerable, so am I. It's heading for disaster like last night"  
"What happened last night?"**

"**You kissed me, gently at first, then grew more passionate pushing me back on the bed and then you called me Olivia. You thought I was Olivia. I broke it off and sent you to sleep."**

"**Oh S I'm sorry Maddy. That explains it."  
"When you kiss me how do I know it's me you want to be kissing me or if you want to be kissing Olivia"**

"**Maddy, I think I have fallen for you, I have for a while. I didn't want to admit it and didn't want to scare you. Last night I must have slipped. I'm Sorry. It's you I want to be with, but I can't let go of Olivia, I've tried but she still holds me"**

"**She always will, she'll never go away. You can love her, I know I will always be second best to her if something further happens and I could live with it, but until your willing to let her live in your past. I don't see a future, I've come in second before and it wasn't good"**

"**Look can we just try it, I haven't felt this way about anyone since Olivia and I'd like to give it a chance"**

"**I'll think about it. We will talk more about it when yours and my heads are clearer"  
"Why are you always so smart?"  
"I'm not, as you well know. Now Linden, are you getting a taxi home or would you like to crash here?"**

"**I don't want to be alone. Can I stay? I'll sleep on the sofa"**

"**There's no need for that, let me feed Livy and then I'm going to crash." **

**She switched on the radio at this moment and a song started playing, she smiled at it. It was **_**Kaci's: I will learn to love again**__**. **_**He smiled at the irony of it, and followed Maddy into the kitchen,w watching her. She looked up and shyly smiled at him, before handing him a pint of water with a knowing smile. Then they went to bed, as they lay down to sleep, Linden lent over Maddy and kissed her on the cheek. She smiled at him before he turned over. She lay loking up at the celing. Linden had fallen asleep straight away. Just as Maddy was about to drift off she felt someone roll over and gently rested an arm on her stomach, before snugglng further into her pillow. She smiled in the darkness as the haze of alcohol and lack of sleep got to her. Maybe they would both learn to love again.**

**P.S. Just so you can see how the song supports my story, I've included the lyrics. I own nothing except the plot and Jennifer Young.**

**Here are the lyrics to the song if you are interested from **

**/lyrics/perfectman/iwilllearntoloveagain.htm**

**I will learn to love again by Kaci**

**(To love again...)**

drowning in tears that wont be me  
I will soon be free from all these chains of all this pain inside  
and though I cry it wont be long till I regain the strength to know  
I can go on  
I will find my way through the heart break I will not give up on love  
I believe

I will learn to love again I will learn to trust  
once this heart can mend  
I will learn to/Learn to love again

all of these tears time will dry them I will survive them  
and make it through into another day all of this pain  
time will heal it there'll be a time sometime I know  
I will be feel it  
I will live through life without you after the hurting is done  
I believe

Chorus

I will find someone who deserves my touch after all the hurt is through  
I will be so over you I will not give up on love  
I believe yeah

Chorus

Oh yeah yeah oh oh love again

(To love again...)


End file.
